A Part of Me Lives for You
by 4CullensandaBlack
Summary: Jasper's love for Bella grew over time as her love for Edward dimmed. Inspired by/including Lyrics from: What Are You Afraid by West Indian Girl


**FAGEY McFAGEINGTON THE 5th**

Title: **A Part of Me Lives for You**

Written for:

**Laurie Whitlock**

Written By:

**4CullensandaBlack**

Rating: T

**Summary: Jasper's love for Bella grew over time as her love for Edward dimmed.**

**Inspired by/including Lyrics from: What Are You Afraid by West Indian Girl**

Prompt used: Surprise birthday

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**_*I lost myself inside someone else_**

**_I couldn't see the lines between her and me_**

**_On a darker road, the fear I've shown_**

**_With eyes of stone, he walks alone*_**

Hiding in a hotel room in Phoenix, she once told me she wasn't worth it. And I of course told her she was, and being the self-doubting person that she is, she didn't believe me.

I know I had to stay away from her. She was human and I, being the newest member of the vegetarian lifestyle, found it hard to be around most of them. I looked as if I was in pain most of the time but I couldn't find it within myself to stay away from her. Maybe it's because Edward wanted no, needed me to, but all that did was make me want to prove to him that I could be around her. Feeling the emotions of others has always been a burden, yet I craved to understand why her reactions mirrored something else entirely.

When Emmett and I finally made it to the ballet studio I wanted my time with James, but of course Edward got there first, being the fastest. Keeping her safe was his only purpose in life at this point. Carlisle, being Carlisle, stopped him before he could kill the tracker; the good doctor has always been afraid of losing the prodigal son back to his dark side. The feeling wasn't so strong for me; he handed James over to me without qualms. Me unleashing my darkness was not a concern; but the fear of slipping back into who I use to be was…at least for me.

**_*What are you afraid of?_**

**_When all the years fade away*_**

Alice had joined Emmett and me as we dismembered James's body. We danced, yes that is the only way to describe it, dancing around the fire pit as the pieces of his body burned. The flames waved across our faces as the purple smoke rose from the burning of the corpse. It was familiar: the fire, the look of victory on our faces, and the feel of satisfaction in the kill.

Slipping back into the Major was easy; it was safe, but being Jasper Hale and finding the strength to withstand the urges was difficult. It was all I could do to not turn around. Edward needs to gain control; his yearning for Bella's blood was increasing. The pure pleasure in his emotions as the blood touched his lips was starting to affect me. I turned towards that intoxicating scent just as he let her bitten hand go. The relief in that act caused us both to exhale as the tension washed away.

**_*What are you made of?_**

**_From the ties that hold us down*_**

Bella's emotions were bursting with pain but underneath it was a miniscule piece of hope.

Hope for what I do not know. However, once Carlisle announced that the venom was out of her system Alice's mood shifted. Her eyes met Edward's; they were having one of their famous silent conversations, the rage and anger in their emotions were suffocating.

Alice's emotions were an open book to me but as she turned to look at me from the other side of the flames, betrayal engulfed my being so strongly that I lost my balance for half a second. I looked at her questioningly and her expression changed then her feelings were closed off to me. Only time would tell why this was so, one would think they'd both be over the moon that Bella lived to see another mortal day.

**_*What are you fighting for?_**

**_To feel them all*_**

The forest was peaceful on this cold September night, I recalled the events of the night running the attack back and forward until I could pinpoint every emotion I'd experienced at the party. I would be lying if I said her blood wasn't mouth-watering but I knew my reaction wasn't just my craving. I knew what I felt but that want was heightened with the mixture of my family's blood lust. '_The road to hell was paved with good intentions, Alice_' and he was right. The party was not needed and unwanted but Bella braved it beautifully for her best friend.

I smiled even though I knew none of us wanted to be here according; to Alice this was to be Bella's last birthday and no one bets against Alice. '_It needs to be special'_ she said, so my afternoon hunt was canceled to assist my wife in setting up for the not-so surprise party. So I hoped that nothing too eventful happens.

'_Paper cut.'_ Those two words changed everything. It's true my thoughts may have turned lustful as the small red pebble beaded from her finger. But, I was in control until he pushed her; once he did the monster was released. The hunger, the need and the want consumed my every being and I had to have her. How could Edward resist; she wasn't my singer but her smell was close, so close to paradise. My impulses overpowered me to lunge for the sweet nectar dripping from her opened wound.

**_*What are you dying for?_**

**_To be free*_**

My family was disappointed in me, Rose and Emmett could understand they knew of my struggle in this lifestyle: them both being gift-less and me being will-less. I wanted the freedom to fail and succeed but I could never walk away, not without Alice: she's my rock.

I walked endlessly through the forest. Alice soon found me, dazed as I sat underneath a hanging willow tree clutching a dead buck to my scarred chest. Apparently the trail of several dead animal carcasses led her to my location. The hunger was my weakness and it would never be expunged.

"Jasper, it will be okay. We all know you didn't mean to try to hurt Bella," she said sweet and soothingly. But, her emotions at the near dead of her 'best friend' were wrong. I looked up at her through moist eyes, "Why are you gleeful? There is no sadness, anger or worry in your body at all."

"Because I know everything will be okay" she smiled kneeling in front of me, "it was all meant to be."

Shocked I asked, "What was meant to be, Alice? Did you see this happening?"

"No," she said as guilt leaked from her body. "Of course, I did not know" she said, justified "if I knew that you missing one hunt would have caused all of this I would have asked Esmé to help me decorate then."

I knew she was lying but I couldn't understand why. Out of everyone in my life she knew how hard I struggled and how much I never wanted to go back to the monster I use to be: The Major. I knew that the events of tonight have altered the Cullen Clan forever and something in my gut told me so did Alice.

My lack of control hadn't changed our future as much as she'd hoped; Edward's leaving only pushed back our eventual getting together.

**_*Who tonight will change your life?_**

**_To jump on a plane and land a_**

**_Thousand miles away_**

**_Just to see what we came to be*_**

After telling Bella of my time in the vampire wars, I hoped beyond hope that she wouldn't finally see the monster that I am. She told me I was strong and that she wished that she was that strong to walk away. She looked at me and Alice as if we were the perfect couple but looks can be deceiving. My love for my wife was slowly turning sour.

I am at a loss for my love for Bella. Love, that's what this is. Her eyes held no hatred or judgment at my choices. I saw no pity in them, either. It was no wonder how she could love Edward and our family. She was so strong and brave even if she didn't know it. But Edward consistently underestimates her, time and time again.

I see it in her, strength so strong. My heart aches every time I lay eyes on her. Because I know soon enough that strength will be tested and I just hope that my family won't let her down.

**_*There's no chance of losing_**

**_When there's no chance at all_**

**_As time goes by, I forget why*_**

That's what it said, Alice's letter, recaptured my past since Bella came into my life. Apparently, we were meant to be and nothing my wife and Edward tried could change that. _No longer could we hide our feelings for each other_, she wrote. She had wanted him to leave with her before the Volturi came but he didn't feel right leaving Nessie unprotected.

So, she took me instead and we went to find anyone that had the answers she needed so Edward could finally be hers. Alice knew that Bella's pending move to Forks would change everything and she tried her hardest to keep our marriage together, but as time went by I slipped further away from her. And she fell closer and closer into Edward's arms.

So that is how I ended up here, watching from the trail as Bella sat crying. All our battles had been won and she was crying, or at least wishing that she could, over him. Their marriage was over and her family was separated. He'd left her and took my wife with him. Nessie was grown and to quote him, _'didn't need to live in make-believe anymore.'_

"Bella, it will be okay" sitting next to her on the bench I put my arm around her, "It wasn't your fault. You must know that."

She hummed.

"I'm serious! You're smart, funny, well-read" I begin to ramble.

"Jasper," she whispers as I turned away from her to continue.

"No, Bella let me continue. You deserve someone who is going to be there for you." I continued in my relentless speech. "You deserve someone to love you; every day until forever. Someone…" she interrupted me.

"Someone to tell me that I'm worth it" I turned towards her face, "Someone like you, Jasper."

I stared into her eyes, getting lost, because she finally believes what I always knew: that she is totally worth the wait.

**_*From a distant view it might still be true_**

**_There's a part of me that lives for you.*_**

**A/N:** I would like to Tammygrrrl for beta'ing this fic. You rocked it.

To Laurie Whitlock: this isn't your only gift so please go and check out; Don't Even Tell Me Your Name. It's an HP fic, enjoy. This is my fifth FAGE and it has been a blast; please check out the banners to both fics on my blog. Thank you, Kyndall for rocking those and my crazy changes for me. Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this piece, I hoped you enjoyed it.


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